In honor of Donald Trump’s impending inauguration, I thought I would share a story with the world. I’ve struggled with finding an outlet for this post for a while now. At first I thought of posting it on social media, but I decided against such a course due to my disdain for elongated Facebook posts and other ilk of its kind. I toyed with writing a novel, perhaps some essays I have in queue, but there’s no way this story would be published in time. Then it dawned on me a blog. So here you go world, the greatest example of misinformed voting.
It’s November ninth, the day after the election and for some it is a day of mourning. However, for one suburban sorority all-star in particular, it was an abrupt eye-opener to the world in front of her.
I’m waiting in line at Starbucks doing nothing spectacular, when I hear what sounds like someone crying. I’m not a hundred percent sure what’s going on, so I quickly glance over my shoulder to see two girls in their early twenties sitting approximately three feet to my left: what happened next blew my mind.
“I didn’t know he wanted to build a wall!” Girl one weakly whimpered to her consoling friend. “I thought he wanted to build a mall!”
My thought process upon hearing this: “Is she serious?…… Holy shit she is! This is fucking awesome! Judging by the Greek letters on her shirt she’s currently in a sorority. So that means that she’s in college. But to misconstrue such a crucial point of Trump’s platform is huge. I know sorority girls have a ditsy stereotype, but this takes it to another level.” So doing what any person would do, I stepped out of line, grabbed a table within earshot, and was in for a fucking show.
“Sarah, it’s okay. Girl, anybody could have made that mistake. I mean like mall and wall sound soooooo similar. No one is going to judge you.” Girl, who I later learn is named Steph, whispered while rubbing Sarah’s back.
“I’m just so stupid! I knew it sounded too good to be true. Like a Mall of America in every city in America just isn’t even financially feasible! (The fuck are you talking about? This is when reason kicks in?) Do you know what a mall food court stands for Stephanie? Do you?!”
Stephanie, the girl comforting Sarah, just looked confused and who could blame her? The analogy that Sarah was about to throw out would dumbfound anyone. Who could have predicted that a girl who, I kid you not, voted for a presidential candidate because she thought he was going to build a mall, would delve deep into the social constructs of a mall food court.
“Inclusion Steph! It stands for inclusion! I mean you have like a Chinese place, near a Mexican restaurant, right next to a Wendy’s!” Sarah yelled before bursting into a fit of tears. “America is not a melting pot nor a salad bowl Steph, it’s a mall food court!”
I snorted when I heard this. This was the most outlandish metaphor I had ever heard describing America’s social landscape. However, aware that I may have compromised my eavesdropping, I checked my six to make sure I hadn’t attracted any attention. I was good.
“Uhhh” went Stephanie in the single most confused tone I’ve ever heard.
“See you don’t understand! The Chinese place, the Mexican restaurant, and the Wendy’s are then all owned by some Eastern European man who chortles at the cash he’s making on the overpriced garbage. Do you see it Steph, do you”?!
Now my mouth is wide open. This was gold. Pure, fucking Conquistador pillage the Aztec Empire gold.
“Everyone loves food courts! That’s what! It’s the Barn Party; everyone puts aside their differences and gets lit. But instead of taking shots, they’re eating tots Steph.” Sarah is low key getting hysteric now. “I just wanted them to eat tots Steph. Freaking freedom tots that would have quelled the social unrest of our great nation.”
Steph’s eyes are wide open now scanning the Starbucks, clearly mortified by her sorority sister’s meltdown. Still, I give her props for not bailing on her friend and continuing to comfort Sarah. “Girl you’re stressed, distressed, and depressed. Let’s get margs and unwind.”
And it was over. My exposé into the local food court was over. Margaritas had stolen the highlight of my week and there was nothing I could do about it. Here an un-informed, yet oddly intelligent person systematically deconstructed the relationship of a food court. I sat in my seat pondering the events that had just occurred and was astounded.
Hammared 