Matthew Hammarstrom Comedy, Social Commentary

Not Today Scammers

Not today scammer. You’re not getting Walmart gift cards from me. That’s right someone tried to scam me. They tried to impersonate my company’s CEO, but it didn’t work on me. It did throw me off though. I’m a low man on the totem pole. Why would the CEO email me? Also, who is the CEO? I didn’t know when the scammer emailed me, I honestly thought he was a client. I knew I heard the name before, but I thought it was from being CC’d on an email to the client. Everything about the email through me off. Asking for help on an urgent task, using the word ASAP, and improper use of grammar. Everything was off. So, I thought to myself why did the scammer suck? Am I a super sleuth? Probably. But still I am going to analyze everything why this scam is trash.

  1. The Email Address

If you are going to email a peon in a random company impersonating a CEO, at least put the CEO’s name in the email. That’s right I said it. The scammer didn’t put the CEO’s name in the email. Instead it said Millsaps. Was a small liberal arts school in Mississippi emailing me? Is the urgent task that they want me to give a commencement speech at their upcoming graduation? I’m honored, but I doubt it. I would be surprised if a school of less than a thousand asked a random guy who works in record keeping to give a commencement speech. Nice try scammer, but I’m not that dumb.

  1. The Contents of the Email

Grammar. Let’s be real if your running a company for private equity, your going to use proper grammar. Capitalization is important. I know that if I’m sending an email to coworker, hell even if I’m doing a team’s message, I’m going to know when to capitalize. Starting off an email with “hi matthew”, is going to catch my attention, but not in the OMG THE CEO is messaging me kind of way. Mainly because I forgot who he was, but you get my point.

  1. What was the Scam?

The reason I mentioned that the scammer was not getting Walmart gift cards from me, is because I have seen the trick before. You get an email from the CEO asking you about an urgent task and then all the sudden they ask you for gift cards. Why are they asking for gift cards? Well they want to give them away for bonuses. Does it make sense? Frankly, no. If I was at work having an annual review and my boss said, “we are pleased with your work and love the energy you give in the office. Your also extremely handsome and I see great potential in you. Here’s a $25 gift card to Walmart.” I would be pissed. What a gift card? If your going to give me $25 at least give me cash so I can spend it on scratch offs.

  1. What I’ve learned

Well to be honest not much. There are quite a few questions that have been raised because of this email. How did they get my work email? Why me? Is there a mole in my company siphoning off corporate emails to scammers? Sadly, we will never know. I’ve learned that I’m not a gullible as I thought, because I was able to stop a phishing. So, shout out me. There’s a lot that could have gone wrong. As stated before I could have been out $600 dollars.

 

Matthew Hammarstrom Comedy, politics, Social Commentary

Guy Fieri: The Civil Leader We Need

We live in a tumultuous time right now. There is the ever-present war with Iran. The upcoming presidential election between a slew of democratic maybes and a man so polarizing that opinions of him are questions on dating profiles. It’s honestly a little scary. I have friends who make jokes about the draft all the time. It’s pretty much constant. The distress between political parties. The distress between people of different beliefs. It’s honestly too much. However, in this dark time, there is a beacon of hope who can save us from our impending geopolitical and civil doom. There is one person who can elevate the fear of the masses and protect us from the evils that are approaching us. That man is the mayor of Flavor Town, Guy Fieri.

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Let’s be real America, Guy Fieri represents everything this country stands for. The little Mom and Pop businesses who work tirelessly to provide for their families and their communities. We all love the story of the little person rising to the top, becoming a beacon for those around them and Guy Fieri brings these great Americans to the forefront. He’s someone who both democrats and republicans can rally around. Though both parties may argue about the semantics, we all want the same thing. A great leader to lead us through these uncertain times. And my friends, I can tell you Guy Fieri is that man. Oh no Iran is pissed, here have this barbecue sauce seasoned with golpar from an elderly couple from Asheville. The man would use food to dissolve political conflict. And don’t tell me the man couldn’t debate with global leaders. You’re seriously telling me that a small diner in Indiana doesn’t want their secret recipe for chili BROADCASTED on national television. Honestly, I don’t know, but I can tell you who convinced them to spill the beans. GUY FUCKING FIERI.

He’s the Mayor of Flavor Town and think about the social importance that sharing a meal has on our society. Yeah you and your aunt may not see eye-to-eye on health care, but after a full stomach of Guy’s famous Cajun fried turkey you’ll agree about a suitable defense budget. Yes, sometimes it can be stressful breaking bread with someone you disagree with. I mean people break up with each other over meals. But a good meal can settle the mood and can put even the most conflicted of lovers on the same page for an evening. So now imagine what a man who knows his way around food and pushes the goals of the common man could do for this country. Republicans and democrats. Trumpers and Bernie bros sharing a sloppy Joe for the common good of the country. People say The Rock 2020, but I’m telling you Guy Fieri 2020 is the move.

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Lets also think about it from the most superficial standpoint that a leader can have, their looks. If my next reason doesn’t convince you, then I have failed with this blog. Frosted tips. Guy Fieri is the only man in 2020 who can pull off frosted tips. That’s right I said it. Thirty years after its boom in popularity, Guy is still rocking the tips. That my friends is confidence. That’s what people want in a leader. A person who can set aside preconceived notions of antiquated ideas. Literally the only man who can rock a shirt with flames on it. You tell me the supreme leader of Iran wouldn’t be down to peace talks with a man who can rock the shit out of frosted tips while also know the best halal places on the east coast.

 

Matthew Hammarstrom Finance, Self-Help, Social Commentary

CryptoCurrency Is Not My Safe Word

When I say cryptocurrency is not my safe word, I don’t mean this in a sexual way. I say it in a financial sense. I spent more money in 2019 then I would have liked. I had an expensive ex-girlfriend and spent way too much going out at night. There were plenty a Monday where I looked at my bank account and simply sighed. However, I don’t consider that the most financially irresponsible thing I did in 2019. Unfortunately for myself, I got back into cryptocurrency. Now let’s make one thing clear, I didn’t lose that much money. Really, I mean it. Okay maybe a little more than I would have liked, but I’m out. I wiped my hands of the slots machine high of that digital currency. After much thought and a quick text conversation with my dad, I took my investments towards the more traditional route.

I honestly believe if sports gambling was legal in Texas I would have not invested in Litecoin and I would have known when to call it quits. You see the thing with crypto currency is the volatility. For instance, towards the end of my stint in crypto I invested in Orchid. This coin was new to Coinbase and in the matter of a day I had grown my $30 to $80. In hindsight, I should have taken the $50 win and bounced, but like most degenerate gamblers I was going to ride the high. Well that was stupid on my part because in the following day it dropped to $25. Okay, so a five dollar decrease from my original investment may not seem like much of a loss. But its frustrating. It’s the FOMO on the quick financial gains of crypto that traps you. At least with sports betting, it’s clear whether you win or lose. You have your out. With crypto it never ends. Let us say you do pull your money out at a profit, it’s easy to keep your head glued to your phone to see where the next point of entry should be. Or you listened to the shills on twitter and entered a coin that was supposed to go to the moon and instead it drops like a rock. There is a myriad of ways that you can get sucked in and trapped. Unlike the stock market which has a clear opening and closing bell. Bitcoin never sleeps. I have had times where I went to bed net positive, only to wake up $30 below the meridian.

The whole reason I got into cryptocurrency in the first place was to make a quick buck. I knew I wasn’t going to become a bitcoin billionaire and that pushes me to believe that if sports betting was legal, I would have taken my money elsewhere and learned my lesson real quick. No one gets rich betting on the patriots, but you probably don’t go -50% on you gambling fund either. So, I will be the first to say that it is my fault that I came out net negative, but honesty I was casually vested. I have a job so its not like I had the time to day trade, and I didn’t have time to learn about graphs and candles. But can I be real? Who can predict the price based off of a chart? I have seen many people be way off the mark on twitter. Also, people who are really into crypto are the worlds most optimistic people. Five months ago I read a pundit predict that bitcoin was going to climb to $20,000. Well flash forward five months and it dropped $5000.