I have no problem admitting that like millions of people around the world that I think Baby Yoda is extremely cute. Yoda has been an extremely popular Star Wars character for decades. The wise Yoda in The Empire Strikes Back stood out to generations in his ability to guide Luke on the path of the Jedi. With the Mandalorian, Disney recaptured that magic and brought a brand-new lane of love to this iconic character. However, what about teenage Yoda? Well in my expert opinion I predict that he will most likely be a little twerp.
That’s right, Yoda probably wasn’t always the all-star Jedi we idolize him as. It’s hard to imagine I know. How could someone who was so cute as a baby and so wise in his later years, be such a little shit in his teens? I mean one obvious answer, puberty. Jedi hormones raging. He was probably just looking for a fight and to start some trouble. Now from a human standpoint, kids from 6th grade to 10th grade are the absolute worst. And Yoda’s species of alien have roughly ten times the life span of a human. That obviously means ten times the years of Jedi puberty raging for him. So, what does that mean? Let’s explore this. Probably picking on people younger than him. If we were going to say that Yoda’s species goes through puberty in a similar part of their lifespan to that of a human, that would mean he would be entering puberty at age 120 and exiting maybe at 170. So that would mean that all humans would be younger than Yoda. According to the foremost Wiki on the Star Wars universe, Wookiepedia, humans live up to a hundred years. It is without a matter of doubt that I say that Yoda would pick on even the oldest of humans. Because if there is anything that teenage twerps love, it is picking on those who are younger and weaker than them.
A person’s teenage years are a rebellious time. It’s a period in one’s youth that many use to find themselves. Sneaking out, underage drinking, and telling your parents you’re going to forego Jedi training and become a vlogger are all formative aspects of one’s teens. In a person’s teenage years, they can act out and they have the safety net of being young. So, I can say with out a matter of fact that teenage Yoda was a little shit. Let’s think about it, Yoda has the force, and do you think any teenager would be a hall monitor if they had the force? Get out of here. Yoda is probably force pulling brewskis out of the Mandalorian’s fridge when he is cleaning his pistol. Wow Yoda underage drinking. How dare you. But, to make things worse stealing! The man saved you from the empire and what thanks does he get? A rebellious pubescent Jedi. Now we don’t know when Yoda begins his Jedi training, so that leaves us with the question of how long he lives with his bounty hunter guardian. The man is a ruffian, a vagabond, and probably a buffalo bills fan. With a foster parent like this, its more than likely that teenage Yoda will use the force to shoot him into the air and hurtle himself back to earth only to land via crashing through a table. See a total mad lad.
Next how does somebody become wise? There are some who walk the straight and narrow from a young age. They know their right from wrong early on and are a stalwart for good morals. But for most, they must learn along the way. And I’m just saying Yoda and his bounty hunter foster dad probably had some wild adventures. Some of his most memorable quotes were probably founded in his teenage years. “The greatest teacher, Failure is” was probably a reference to Yoda failing multiple drug test to get into the Jedi Academy. Or the famous quote, “You must unlearn what you have learned” is rooted in Yoda’s years of misusing the force to control the minds of the unexpected Gungan. And finally, his iconic “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” Now there is a lot to unpack here and probably the crux of my argument. How would Yoda know what leads to the dark side? You could say it was through his diligent studies in the Jedi Temple. But simply put, you’re a simpleton. It is commonly known that experience is the best teacher. So, I hate to say it to you kids, but Yoda probably dabbled in the dark side as a teen. You could consider it like going through a goth phase. Except evil. Now maybe it was his fear of getting caught smoking the Mary Jane. Then maybe the Jedi temple caught him and took away his light saber. And maybe he was so pissed off at his Jedi teacher that he started to wear black underneath his robes and placed a stolen kyber crystal in his super-secret hidden light saber therefore turning it red. We may never know to be honest, but I’m probably right and Yoda’s years as a rebellious culminated with him dabbling as emo-sith teen.
Hammared 