Matthew Hammarstrom Comedy, fashion, Humor

The Teddy Fresh 8 Panel Unstructured Hat is Definitely Not a Beanie

Now let me tell you right here this is a hat. That’s right you heard it from me, it is definitely a hat and totally not a beanie. I know a lot of people when they buy a hat online wonder how it will fit their head. Will it sit snuggly at the top of the cranium? Or will it envelope me like a warm beanie? It’s a tough place to be in when ordering a hat. It really is. Luckily for me this hat fits snuggly like a hat should. And boy was I relieved.

There’s multiple colorways you can get for the Teddy Fresh 8 Panel Unstructured Hat and I painstakingly decided to go with the natural colorway. If there is one thing to take away from this hat review, is boy does it make me look hot. If this was Dungeons and Dragons, it would give me +10 to my hotness. I don’t even play DnD and I know that it’s an item I’d want my desert dwarf named Granelli to wear.

I felt the hat when it first arrived and based on 100% Melton wool construction, damn is it a soft hat. Prior to getting the hat, I didn’t know what Melton wool was! I was scared that it would be rugged and tough. While I could wear that in a construction site or a landfill and look fashionable, I wanted to something soft and subtle for my weak scalp. Look, as a reviewer it my duty to be 100% percent honest. This hat is very breathable. So much so that my chronic dandruff disappeared. I could now wear a black shirt without the fear of looking like snow globe.

The design of the hat is quite simple. Yet it is that simplicity is where its elegance thrives. The “TF” emblazoned on the front is the same natural shade as the rest of the hat. Giving it a soft aesthetic. That coupled with the very flexible brim screams, “hey I am a go with the flow bro”. Not much better than a hat that helps ease first impressions. Who doesn’t like bros who go with flow? Adaptability. Its important in many facets of life. Dating, job interviews, and cage fighting are all great examples of where adaptability thrives. This hat is the opposite of a vibe vampire because is screams the vibe of adaptability and comfort.

To round off my review the hat is a top ten hat. What comes before it and after it are up for debate, except a cowboy hat, because that thing is dope. But I digress. The hat is dope and recommend for people who want a +10 to their hotness.

Matthew Hammarstrom Comedy, Social Commentary, Uncategorized

A Zombie Apocalypse is Bullshit

America lets discuss a pop culture phenomenon. One captured in the 1932 movie White Zombie. That’s right we’re talking about Zombies. Not that they will be our impending doom. Or how to be best prepared for this catastrophic event. We’re going to talk about how unrealistic a zombie apocalypse really is. Now I’m not saying, “oh my god this is sooooo fake. Zombies are an impossible fear of the imagination”. I’m saying a zombie take over could never happen for one reason and one reason alone. Guns. That’s right guns. Now many would say the United States has a gun problem. It seems like every other month there are news about a mass shooting. It’s heart breaking. It really is. Whether you see guns as a scourge on society or as a tool for defense, it is the right to bear arms that would protect us from a zombie apocalypse.

Image result for zombie apocalypse"

A zombie scourge would be nipped in the bud very quickly. Oh, shoot a zombie outbreak has happened in the Woodlands mall? No need to worry Mr. Cena has a concealed carry license for his colt 45. Boom zombie dead and everyone can go back to enjoying their Chick-Fil-A. Honestly maybe zombies would be the best way to deal with the American gun discourse. Think about it. You’re mad after a tough day of work and your boss was being a total jerk. Well go to the zombie shooting range. They are already dead, so you don’t have to worry about hurting anything. Also hunting. I totally could see poachers shifting from hunting big and exotic game to zombies. Maybe if we had zombies Cecil the lion would still be alive. I’m not saying I have the answers for protecting endangered animals but I’m just throwing that out there.

Image result for rip cecil the lion"

Yet I digress. Why would guns call bullshit on the zombie armageddon. Well first and most obviously, self-defense duh. I don’t know about other states, but here in Texas, so many people have guns. Like so much so that if there were zombies, I would have no problem barbecuing with my neighbors. Because let’s say Aunt Irma rises from the grave and comes my way to eat my sweet, sweet brain. I know Larry from down the street would easily be able to no scope that undead witch. We wouldn’t even need the police or the army. 911 Calls would be like “Oh there’s a zombie in your backyard? Why don’t you just drive down Woodlands Parkway to your local Academy Sports and Outdoors and buy a Berretta A300.” It’s just so ridiculous that Hollywood is making humans look so weak to these lethargic push overs. I mean they move so slow; you can’t tell me they wouldn’t be easy targets. I bet the army would use them for training exercises. That’s how little of a threat they would be. Oh yeah Matt, but what if there were a hundred at the local roller rink. Automatic guns. Duh.

Image result for zombie apocalypse"

If you think about it, maybe zombies aren’t such a bad idea. We have a crap ton of guns, so instead of using them on each other, maybe we would turn them on our undead brothers.