Matthew Hammarstrom Comedy, Social Commentary, Sports

I Sure as Hell Couldn’t do a Post-Fight Interview

Let’s take a minute to appreciate all the combat athletes who take part in post-fight interviews. Not the winners, because for obvious reasons that must be awesome. I mean come on you get to brag to people why and how you whooped the other guy’s ass. Nothing can be more exhilarating than bragging to people why you are an ass kicking machine. But no, I’m talking about the losers. Whether it be a quick knock out, a TKO, or a judge’s decision, I’m talking about how much of a man you must be to address why you lost a fight. Think about it there are few things more humiliating than losing a fight. Both physically and mentally, losing a fight destroys a person. Your body is injured, and your pride is hurt. Then you must answer, what in my honest opinion, are some of the stupidest questions on earth. Imagine being dejected about a potentially career altering loss and now having to address it. What would you have done different? Why do you think the Judges weren’t in your decision? Why do you have a glass jaw? Are all questions that must tear at a fighter’s soul. I know I’m a little late to the party posting this but think of the Cowboy/ McGregor fight. No matter how you look at it, Donald Cerrone is an absolute legend. Seriously I will argue this with anyone. @ me if you think I’m wrong. But he got destroyed by Connor McGregor. Do you think he wanted to address why repeated shoulder strikes broke his nose? Do you think he wanted to address why he is the first person in the UFC to have their nose broken by repeated shoulder strikes? No, I don’t think so. But he did and that is equally as impressive as having most knockouts in UFC history

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Shout out to all the guys and girls who address their losses on TV. Combat sport or not. You must be a bad ass mother fucker to sit in a freaking press conference and admit why you lost. I think back to the 2018 NCAA March Madness Tournament where number one seed Virginia lost to sixteen seed UMBC. Virginia obviously crushed by being the first number seed in NCAA history to lose to a sixteen seed must address the media about their loss. Then to make things worse they are literally asked “did you know a first seed has never lost to the number sixteen seed before?” That must be brutal! Shout out to that Virginia player for not throwing his mic at the little “j” journalist who asked that question. That is one strong dude.

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I’m going to tell you right now; I don’t know if I could do it. I would probably walk out of the cage or court pissed. I mean do they have media training about how to address a loss? Don’t get me wrong there is a plethora of YouTube videos of athletes cussing out the refs or opposition after a loss. It can’t be easy to maintain your composure. I imagine that this kind of media training would seem like a joke during the moment, but it’s not until afterwards that you would realize how beneficial this is. Up until his fight with Jorge Masvidal, Ben Askren was an undefeated machine. He talked a ton of shit an could back it up. He trashed that Jorge like crazy. However, it was to no avail as he was the recipient of a flying knee knock out. Fastest Knockout in UFC history. Ouch. He could have dipped and not address his humiliation. But instead he went on the Ariel Helwani show the next day and addressed his loss.

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He took it on the chin and owned up to his. Something that many could considered endeared him to many fans. The ability to own up to a loss is a tough thing to do. Combat athletes who address the media after a loss in a humble manner is a great way to save face in the eyes of the fans.

Matthew Hammarstrom Comedy, Sports

PFT Commenter Could Kick My Ass

So recently I discovered Barstool Sports and I can say I am a fan. They have some funny bloggers and their podcasts are great. They have a talented group of people. They really do. But there is one person who stood out to me above the rest, PFT Commenter. At first, I thought it was maybe because he’s a witty dude who wears sunglasses inside and does a great Alex Jones impression. But then I saw a video on Twitter of PFT trying out for the XFL team the DC Defenders as a kicker and it hit me. This man could totally kick my ass. It all made sense the glasses and wanting to be a kicker, this was one deceptive MF’er.

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You see the reason I say he’s deceptive is that kickers are the most deceptively strong position on a football team. You must be able to drill a ball through the goal posts from tens of yards away. And what do you need to kick the ball through the uprights? Strong legs. And what is the most devastating strike in MMA? A kick. Particularly a head kick, but we’ll get to that. I saw a video on YouTube of UFC light heavy weight champ Jon Jones nail a guy in the leg and the bruise was disgusting. That guys leg was a rainbow of hurt. It looked terrible. So of course, to be a kicker, its in the job title that you must have obscenely strong legs. So, imagine a guy who is 5’10 walk up to a nail you with an XFL level kick. Devastating. Now you could be thinking to yourself, but Matt your 6’4 what are you afraid of? Simply put, the follow through. To be a good kicker you must have good form. And good form involves a follow through. Now I don’t know if you’ve seen a kicker kick, but they get their legs up there. That’s what scares me. I could just be chilling then BAM, I’m nailed in the head by an XFL level kick by a man half a foot shorter than me. Terrifying I know.

Now PFT is famous for wearing sunglasses everywhere. While trying out for the DC Defenders there is video evidence of him wearing sunglasses while nailing shots in between the uprights. But what’s he hiding behind those sunglasses? He must be hiding something. I mean why would he not want you to see his eyes? We’ll my friends I have figured it out. That man is filled with the unbridled desire to kick. Kick footballs or people it doesn’t matter. It was when I saw him kick the pig skin that I realized that this was a man who you do not want to fuck with.

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I know it might sound crazy that PFT trying out for kicker is what put the fear of god in me, but kicker is a position for killers. You must have the mental fortitude to know that even if you miss a 50-yard kick people are going to question you. You must have the mental fortitude to over come the constant nagging of “oh my god how do you miss that”. You must be a mental samurai. Now don’t get me started on punters though. Those dudes can fuck a person up. They literally are blasting a ball as far as humanly possible into the oncoming of super athlete traffic. They have no regards for their safety. They are the berserkers of kickers. So, it’s obvious my nightmare is that PFT decides to become a punter. Not because it means he failed as a kicker, but because then we would have a 5’10 monster raining bombs on us.